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- mutilate cattle.
- bring back Nixon.
- save Hitler's brain.
- find Elvis.
- explain the success of Baywatch.
- cause confusion and panic.
- control the world's press.
- dance the Lambada.
- find Shergar.
- pig out on doughnuts.
- find Lord Lucan.
- watch Neighbours from the beginning.
- dance the Macarena.
- travel through time.
- build a time machine.
- assassinate Margaret Thatcher.
- relive the Wild West.
- destroy every copy of "Football's coming home".
- have fun.
- do the pointy dance.
- make everyone jealous.
- cause mild confusion.
- break the land speed record.
- sell newspapers.
- steal newspapers
- gain respect.
- dis' you.
- Zig A Zig Aaaah!
- Tell you what they want, what they really really want.
- piss you off.
- make themselves look important.
- sell perfume.
- spice up TV.
- hypnotise chickens.
- stun sheep.
- hide their fleet of U Boats.
- hide their true plans.
- throw reporters off the scent.
- make the Nazi's look sane.
- sway public opinion.
- make themselves look more friendly.
- make Tofu edible.
- silence Jimmy Hill forever.
- make exams fun.
- stop making fun of Jimmy Hill.
- make fun of Jimmy Hill.
- go back in time to 1966 and shoot Jeff Hurst.
- stop the Scots mentioning 1967 at every opportunity.
- stop the English mentioning 1966 at every opportunity.
- develop an unhealthy obsession with used motorbike parts.
- develop an unhealthy obsession with rubber trousers.
- develop an unhealthy obsession with PVC.
- develop an unhealthy obsession with naked blokes.
- develop an unhealthy obsession with naked women.
- develop an unhealthy obsession with smelly feet.
- develop an unhealthy obsession with piles.
- develop an unhealthy obsession with thigh length shiny boots.
- develop an unhealthy obsession with Jesus sandels.
- develop an unhealthy obsession with beards.
- develop an unhealthy obsession with hairy women.
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